“We have reared a generation of brats. Parents aren’t firm enough with their children for fear of losing their love or incurring their resentment. This is a cruel deprivation that we professionals have imposed on mothers and fathers. Of course, we did it with the best of intentions. We didn’t realize until it was too late how our know-it-all attitude was undermining the self assurance of parents.”
Do you know who said this? This is a famous passage from a Redbook interview with Dr. Benjamin Spock in his later years . The irony of this is that Dr. Spock himself, in his book, “The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care” had recommended the relaxation of parental authority and the accommodating of a child’s feelings, to allow children to express themselves. In fairness to him, he wrote at a time when parenting had certainly been overly strict for generations, rarely accommodating the child, and some of his ideas were good. Unfortunately, his writings ushered in an era of permissive parenting that has swung the pendulum so far the other way that it has completely transformed society. Some of the changes, certainly, are good. But overall, I do believe that we have done a disservice to our children and to ourselves by avoiding the kind of discipline that will produce a healthy adult when we are done raising the child. We worry that discipline will alienate our children, but in actual fact, good discipline, understood and applied well , will endear us to our children and cement that relationship into adulthood.
Huh? How is this possible? First, let me give you a new definition of discipline. When we think of discipline, many of us think of it this way: our child does something wrong in direct defiance of the rules, we naturally become angry, and punish the child–we take away TV for a day, ground them, or we may even lash out at the child — spank them and send them to their room until we can cool off . But this is not good discipline — often it’s just blowing a gasket, and it is usually counterproductive.
Here is my own definition of discipline:
“The process by which a parent wisely and lovingly uses whatever effective means he chooses, to discourage undesirable behavior, and redirect his child’s actions to those which are desirable. This process is rooted in love for the child, with the practical aim of getting the child to conform to the rules governing his household, for his own welfare, and never out of sheer anger or cruelty.”
It’s important to lay the foundation of good relations with your kids early. Here are some points that may help you in your quest to raise wonderful kids that you really like, and who like you, even through the teen years:
1. Don’t take your child’s disobedience in their early years personally. This guiding principle has absolutely saved my relationship with my children. As we already know, children are born a blank slate in lots of ways. While they do have their very own unique temperament that will not change much over their lifetime, their habits, attitudes and overall approach to life are very malleable in the early years . How do they learn about life? By emulating others, and experimenting with actions to see the results. This is GOOD and with the correct response by those around them, young children can be guided into adopting the correct attitudes and habits. If we understand this, and don’t see our children’s disobedience as something personal against our authority, we can stay objective enough to carry out true discipline in a calm, even loving way. In those early years, when they disobey, they are actually watching you, to see what you will do. Your response, especially during those early days, plays a key role in molding their future actions. If you do your job in these early days when their actions are not yet malicious, you will have a child later that does not purposely and willfully defy you much. This is why I say, “Don’t take your child’s disobedience in the EARLY years personally”. If you don’t do your job at this stage, you will certainly find yourself taking your teen’s willful defiance VERY personally, because it will be intended that way .
2. Consider the long-term view with you when you discipline your child. One of the most important jobs as a parent, naturally, is to prepare you child to enter the world later on. Each task that you carry out day-to-day with your child prepares them for this. When you are tempted to take the easy road, and just let your child do as he likes, rather than confronting the issue, keep in mind that each action like this is a building block of his attitude toward life when he is grown. Certainly you don’t have to do everything perfectly , but the vast majority of your actions should be in support of your long-term goal of producing the kind of adult that YOU would like! Let me build on this idea now:
3. Model the response that the world will have towards your child during adulthood. Your child must learn that every action will have a result throughout his life. In the world, there will be negative consequences to undesirable actions that do not exist for your child today. For example, if your child assaults someone as an adult, he will probably end up in jail. Obviously this is not going to happen to your little darling today, when he scratches or hits another child on the playground. But it is vital to prepare him for life’s consequences down the line, by modeling them through the use of an appropriate consequence today. To fail to give him the consequence today is to teach him, erroneously, that the world will not punish him if he breaks the rules in society later. Indeed, no parent does his child a favor by withholding the discipline that will help the child learn what will be expected of him in this life. As parents we must model a similar intolerance to misbehavior that the world will, as uncomfortable as it may seem to us when we love our little ones so much. It is better for your child to learn his lessons now, at the hands of a loving parent, than to suffer much more later on, in a world that will chew him up and spit him out for not having learned those lessons.
4. Help your young child understand the other side of the unkind things he may do to others. So many times we see our children do mean things to other children, and we wonder why they would do that. Usually, they are simply curious, or because they have not experienced the receiving end of an unkind act, they don’t understand what they are doing. A simple example of this is the issue of biting in toddlers. My boy was a biter, but not for long, I can tell you. I hear parents often debating about biting the child back to get him to stop. My response? Absolutely bite him back! The few times my son bit his sisters, it was clear that he found their response (crying, wailing, and running to mama) hilarious. He had absolutely no idea the pain he had caused. How could he, when he had never been bitten himself? So I simply helped him to understand this, and nothing more. The very FIRST time he bit one of his sisters, I calmly put his little finger in my mouth and slowly brought my teeth down, just until his sweet little face wrinkled up, starting to cry, then I stopped. As his cries faded in a moment, I said, firmly, right in his face, eye-to-eye, “Don’t bite”. Well, he bit them exactly two more times, with the same consequence, and then it stopped. Don’t feel guilty about helping your child to experience the other side of his unkind acts. This is the loving thing to do, and will produce empathy in your child, when he sees how it feels himself. The mystery to me is how so many parents pass up these golden opportunities, thinking that it will be cruel. What is cruel is NOT helping them to understand.
Please know that I am not advocating “doing something mean back to the child in revenge”, and I say this because I know that some would view an act like this exactly that way, and would say that this teaches a child to do mean things back. But revenge is NOT the goal – curbing negative behavior while creating empathy is the goal, and your child can be made to understand this, believe me. They are smarter than we think, and they can see the difference between someone just being mean, and your showing a consequence to their negative action, provided you are responding in a calm, even friendly way.
5. Don’t assume that your children cannot understand the long-term goal of discipline. This is another key misconception among parents that pits the generations against each other. I know this sounds strange, but make your child part of your team on the subject of his own discipline. It is possible, even desirable. I think the easiest way for me to get this across is to give you an absurdly simple monologue of what you might say to your child when they have grievously misbehaved. First, as mentioned above, don’t take it personally. See it for what it is — an experiment to see what society’s response will be (i.e. your response at this stage). So compose yourself before talking to your child, and be matter-of fact.
“Little Mary, you know you are not allowed to slap your baby brother when he tries to take your toy. He is a baby and doesn’t know any better. When you go to school, the teachers will not let you to do that — you’ll be punished and made to stay in the classroom, while everybody else is outside playing. You don’t want that, right?” (This appeals to little Mary’s natural sense of self-gratification, a trait that will never go away and can be capitalized upon.) Of course, little Mary doesn’t want this, even though it may not happen for years, if ever. But she does not see this time gap now. All she knows is that she doesn’t want to experience missing out on play time.
Continuing…”Because I love you, I don’t want to see that happen either, and it’s my job as your mom to help you understand that when you do something mean like that to someone else, things may happen back to you that you don’t like. So right now, I’m going to ______________ to help you to understand this. (Fill in the blank with your preferred method of unpleasant consequence.) I’m not mad at you, I just don’t like to see you doing mean things that will hurt others, because that will make things harder for you too! And being kind to others will make them want to be kind back to you.” (Again, appealing to her sense of fairness and self-gratification, a concept brilliantly encapsulated in the good old-fashioned Golden Rule.) Then, of course, you must calmly carry out the discipline, comforting where necessary.
This is a simple version of the meaningful conversations I have had with my own children many, many times. When these words are said lovingly, and the consequence is carried out with understanding between parent and child, it really can be a very beautiful experience for both. Personally, these episodes have produced some of the most touching and meaningful interactions between my children and me. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but I am telling you that your child really can understand what is going on, if you give him the chance. There is absolutely no reason that good discipline should put a wedge between you and your child. In fact, my children would joke about the consequence that I gave them regularly — they didn’t like receiving it, of course, but they genuinely understood why I did it, and that if they stayed within the confines of what was allowed, the whole family was happy. They liked this, and became almost willing partners in the quest for a peaceful household, through following the rules.
Give your children plenty of love, and plenty of discipline. They will grow into people that you will love and enjoy spending time with — vital during the teen years.
Susan Sylvia is a stay-at-home mom, with a husband, three teens, two dogs, one cat and a busy household! As the kids get older, she is venturing out into the world that awaits her as an empty-nester. A serious illness was a catalyst to getting on with it. She quit her job and started up her own web business selling rug hooking wool — a long-time dream. You can see the fruits of her labor at:
Hand Dyed Wool for Rug Hooking and Penny Rugs
Meanwhile, her success in raising three wonderful kids has made her a source of advice on raising kids among her peers. She is writing a book on the subject, which patiently rests on the desktop of her computer, awaiting completion. In the meantime, please enjoy her articles.
Copyright Susan Sylvia 2010
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Your relationship is coming apart and you’re stressed out. You realize that sooner or later you will have to face your children and let them know what’s really going on between you and your spouse. Here’s what we advise parents who are separating or contemplating divorce:
If you’re at the point where you need to tell the children about divorce and future separation from your spouse, keep these ideas in mind during your first few conversations with the kids:
• Have both parents tell the child(ren) together;
• All children need to be told at the same time whenever possible;
• Offer clear, honest explanations. Avoid elaborate details of your marital problems (ie. Affairs, sexual problems);
• It’s best to present divorce as a serious decision made after considerable thought, but with sadness, reluctance and sorrow for the pain it causes the child;
• Focus on what will happen to each child. As best as possible describe basic changes (ie. living arrangements, financial changes, time spent with the other parent) and reassuring the children that they are loved very much and it is not their fault that you are divorcing or separating;
• Know before you talk with the children what will happen next. Children need concrete details-where will they live, when will they see each parent, and where they will go to school;
• Assure your child he or she will be told of all major developments and changes; However do not show your child court papers or give them a play by play of your situation;
• Extend an invitation to your child to make suggestions that will be considered.
• Encourage the children to speak their mind about the situation so that you can address their concerns;
• Stress that your child is not responsible for the divorce, but that this is an issue between the adults;
• Reassure your child that the divorce does not weaken the bond between the parent and the child;
• Reassure your child that they are loved;
• Reassure your child that you are not divorcing the child;
• Reassure your child that you are still a family;
• Reassure your child that mommy and daddy still love each other as parents but are having problems right now;
• Give your child permission to love both parents;
• Give your child a time frame of the divorce and expected changes;
• Do not talk ill of your spouse, keep your comments to your therapist or friends. Remember that your ex spouse is also the other parent of your children;
• Give your child clear sense of an established place in each parent’s home (ie. their own room, place for toys, toiletries).
If you are facing a divorce or have family law issues visit this website to learn more about how to protect your legal rights. Find out about the divorce process from beginning to end and how not being ready could affect you and your children.
Normal Reactions of Children during their Parents Divorce
Family Court Judges are receiving judicial education on child development, how to deal with persons in emotional crisis, and normal reactions of children during their parents dissolution. Children thrive with a plan, now mandated by Florida law that maintains or addresses their psychological and developmental needs, such as age, temperament, attachments, physical and developmental needs, such as age, temperament, attachments, physical maturity, cognitive abilities, social relationships, and emotional development. family attorney must have this knowledge if providing representation regarding parental responsibility and child issues.
The parent may reflect concerns about the children during the process of the dissolution of marriage. The client may project problems the children are having as being caused by the spouse. Reviewing a chart of the normal reactions of children during the parents dissolution of marriage and discussing and evaluating what is happening compared to the chart reactions may assist in reality training of the client, as well as providing for the best interest of the children, and lessen hostilities and conflict.
For example, the client may reflect the 3-year old should not have overnights with the spouse as the child started bed wetting since sleeping at the spouse’s home. The client may want the lawyer to seek to limit contact with the spouse. A review of the chart and literature in this area will inform the client that regressive behaviors are normal reactions of a child of that age during the parent’s dissolution of marriage. Not only may the client’s plan of proceeding in court fail, but it may backfire. The child may be actually harmed by this course of action that the more appropriate courses of actions for this problem. The family court judge may be concern about the client’s intent and motivation to project the child’s problems in the spouse, rather than to obtain the information necessary to provide for the children’s best interest.
The family lawyer, as a counselor, needs to obtain the information to assist the client in the alternatives in this regard. With the client and the family lawyer working together to determine a plan, they are participating in the process of therapeutic justice, a process that attempts to address the family’s interrelated legal and non-legal problems to produce a result that improves the family’s functioning after the dissolution of marriage. There is no pushing the spouse into a difficult stage and into litigation mode. Everyone wins, no one loses. There are creative solutions to dealing with the impact of the emotional process on the legal process; if the family lawyer and client feel uncomfortable with the exercise without expertise of a psychological professional, the lawyer can incorporate a joint session with a psychologist into the representation of the client.
Caring for your new baby will be overwhelming at first. A newborn is such a sudden and massive modification in your life, and there are so many aspects of caring for an infant that are essential and urgent, that you need to try to to your homework and be prepared. Much of caring for a baby is common sense, however it helps to base some items on experience. And if you don’t have expertise, you want to rely on the experience of others. Individuals are having babies forever, so there is lots of expertise to draw upon. These are just some basic aspects to caring for baby: feeding your baby, seeing that your baby gets a sensible night’s sleep, and making certain your baby stays healthy, that need to be thought about during a purposeful manner.
Feeding your baby not only offers your baby necessary nutrition in order to survive, however it helps build a feeling of closeness between you and your baby. The cuddle, the comfort, the satisfaction of a full belly, and also the reassurance that someone is looking out for her or him conjointly are quite enjoyable for infants. Breastfeeding is very common at now and several mothers begin off breast-feeding. There are a number of advantages to both mother and baby. Breast milk supplies all the mandatory nutrients and helps babies build their immune systems in their 1st months of life.
You’ll be able to also formula feed your baby. It’s vital to stay in mind that babies who don’t seem to be breast-fed will have the next risk of infection and could be additional vulnerable to diseases throughout their 1st year as well. Not like the beliefs of the past, this phenomenon has nothing to try to to with social status, or wealth. If you discover you can’t breastfeed, your baby will would like baby formula. Some mothers choose to supplement the breastfeeding with formula thus that Dad will help with the feedings. This enables each folks to fancy some special bonding time with baby.
Sleep is one thing that comes naturally, however falling asleep soundly, and staying asleep is something that, to some degree, you need to teach your baby. If your baby wakes you up two, three, four or perhaps additional times per night and you have to assuage your baby back to sleep, it is time to teach her to fall asleep on their own. The primary thing you wish to do is establish a bedtime routine and follow it. Go through a collection ritual. Perhaps you choose to relinquish baby a tub, nurse or feed yet another time, sing a lullaby, say a deep, heartfelt goodnight to your baby’s seventy six stuffed animals, or rub your baby’s back. The specifics don’t matter terribly a lot of so long as it’s soothing rather than stimulating. You need to additionally be consistent concerning doing it every time. Additionally attempt to keep the time of day you begin the routine the same. By establishing a routine baby will know what to expect and can be comfy and fewer apt to be out of sorts, so keeping her in an exceedingly relaxed approach that enables sleep.
There are a number of doable health risks to your baby. Most parents are constantly on the design out for germs and are acquainted with keeping everything clean. One among the foremost refined and insidious problems that may face your baby is dehydration. There are many attainable causes of dehydration such as heat exposure, or diseases, like fever or diarrhea. It is terribly vital to keep baby from obtaining dehydrated. Babies typically get the number of fluids they need from breast milk or formula. Here are some of the symptoms which will indicate gentle dehydration: baby urinates less (which will be noticed by dry diapers when there are usually wet diapers), baby plays but usual, he or she doesn’t have any tears when crying, his or her skin is dry, or perhaps the mouth and or tongue are dry. More urgent symptoms embrace sunken eyes, grayish pallid skin, or a sunken soft spot on the pinnacle (fontanel). If these symptoms develop, you ought to contact your baby’s physician immediately since dehydration can be very serious quickly.
The additional knowledge you gain before your baby arrives, the a lot of snug you will be when your baby comes home and you are tending their needs on your own. And with so several resources accessible to you in such a quick manner, you may quickly become a assured and caring parent.
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Good habits are most easily established young. If you want to avoid wasting a ton of cash on dentist visits and spare your child the pain of tooth decay, you will begin them very young within the habit of taking care of their mouths. Brushing new teeth should become as routine as taking baths and laundry hands.
First teeth begin erupting when a baby is between three and 6 months. A couple of times daily you’ll clean your babies gum ridges with a finger covered during a clean baby washcloth. A baby washcloth is better than an ordinary one as a result of it’s thinner and will be less material to cause your baby to gag.
When baby is starting on their first solid foods around the age of six months, you can follow up with sips of water. Drinking water is a good approach to clean out a mouth, and it is additionally a nice opportunity to start to transition a child to drinking from a cup. Whether or not you intend to breastfeed your child into their toddler years, your child can still be introduced to water in a cup during meals of solid foods. If the drinking water in your home does not have fluoride you must contemplate a fluoride supplement for your kid between the ages of six months and 16 years.
Once you have some teeth in their mouth to brush, you’ll be able to switch from the washcloth to a kid’s or toddler’s toothbrush. Brush gently when you can not avoid the gum area. You’ll be able to do without the toothpaste until they’re previous enough to spit it out, that is around the age of three. There are also toddler toothpastes out there to buy that are safe for children to swallow. If the family toothpaste is just too robust in flavor for the child you’ll be able to try a kids’s toothpaste or milder-flavored toothpaste while not artificial sweeteners which will be found in many health food stores.
You will probably want to convey a large quantity of supervision within the teeth brushing until a child is seven or eight years old. Before then you can let the kid take the toothbrush in hand and attempt it themselves, but several youngsters have problem with the up and down motion needed to wash teeth along the gum line. Check after they need brushed, make a visual spot check and follow up with the comb when food will be seen along the gum line or stuck in molars.
When youngsters’s teeth 1st come in, there are usually lots of areas around them. Because the teeth and especially the molars begin to bit, flossing wants to become an important part of the program. Parents can probably would like to handle the floss until a kid is seven or eight years old, however when that a child should be in a position to try to to it themselves using flossers. A flosser is sometimes easier than operating with floss on a spool. A flosser may be a U-formed piece of plastic with a very little floss strung between the open ends of the U.
Children ought to be flossing their teeth for regarding 2 minutes a session at least twice a day. One means to help a child brush long enough is to have a 2-minute egg timer by the sink. Another manner is to possess a convention of brushing one’s teeth for the length it takes to hum a certain song that’s long enough.
Most of the prevention of tooth decay can be handled at home by the parents. However, any time one suspects dental problems in your baby or young kid, see the dentist or speak to the pediatrician. Regular checkups with a dentist can begin around the age of 3 years.
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Postpartum depression, or peripartum depresion occurs once a lady offers birth. Inside some hours of giving birth the number of the 2 female hormones, estrogen and progesterone, come back to their pre pregnancy levels. Several researchers feel that this drop in hormone levels, a lot of like the smaller changes in hormone levels can have an effect on a womans mood simply before her menstrual cycle, is one in all the causes of postpartum depression.
In some girls the levels of thyroid hormones decrease as well. This decrease in these hormones will cause symptoms of depression too. Some of these symptoms include a depressed mood, a loss of interest in daily things, problems sleeping and fatigue, irritability and weight gain.
Another factor that can lead to postpartum depression is genetics. This kind of depression can be passed down from mother to daughter. There is additionally a correlation between postpartum depression and ladies who are suffering from severe premenstrual syndrome.
Postpartum depsression is additionally called the baby blues and one in ten new mothers suffer from this to at least one degree or another. In addition to the drastic changes in hormone levels, the presence of a brand new baby in the house is additionally a major factor in postpartum depression. A new baby will be a serious stress on a replacement mom and this may factor into changing into depressed. Some of these factors embrace:
Having less free time then before the baby was born and an inability to regulate the time required to induce things done. The baby demands all the mothers attention, leaving little time for herself.
Browsing labor is very stressful and tiring for a new mom. A new mom does not have time to regain her strength post delivery as a result of of the strain and needs of the new baby. Just obtaining a sensible nights sleep is almost impossible with late night feedings and diaper changes.
Several new mothers question their own ability to be a sensible mom. They become overwhelmed with the care the new baby needs and begin to stress that they don’t seem to be providing the care their baby needs.
For new moms, postpartum depression will occur with a feeling that they are not who they used to be. Their old schedule and ways of doing things have been replaced by the needs of their new baby. They can also feel like they need to try to to it all and strive to require care of the new baby whereas doing all the items they used to do. This may be very overwhelming because probabilities are the care of the new baby will not enable them to accomplish all that they think they should.
New moms will additionally become disconnected from their partner and family. They realize that their time is restricted and they only don’t have time to spend with the remainder of their family.
For many women the “baby blues” will sometimes escape as their hormone levels get back to normal. But for some women the depression associated with a replacement baby does not get away and will steadily get worse. It is terribly important that girls who experince any kind of depression after child birth speak to their doctor right away. Most cases of postpartum depression will be prohibited with medication and a few counseling.
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Everybody could use more patience. Children, in particular, can be a trial to anyone trying to be a patient person. Parents of children have a great deal of hope and expectation invested in what they think their children should be. Parents, most of all, need to be patient with their own children.
When you are learning to be patient with kids you will learn to have realistic ideas about what kinds of behaviors children will have. Kids will be kids. To begin to have patience you need to get inside your children’s heads a little. After all, to a child his problems are as big as an adult’s problems are to an adult.
Another part of patience is realizing that children take time. Everything you could do as a single person will now take twice as long with children. This goes for everything from preparing, eating and cleaning up after a meal, to getting in the car and going grocery shopping. Slow down and allow yourself more time to complete tasks when your children are with you. Another option is to think ahead and try to do things smarter. If it takes ten minutes just getting the kids in and out of the car at every stop, maybe you should patronize more businesses with drive-through service. Another option is to do all your shopping in one shopping center with one shopping buggy for your kids and bags.
Another thing about children that can sometimes require patience on the part of their parents is a child’s fresh perspective on things. A fresh perspective sounds like a good thing, right? When a child’s new ideas translate to creating art on your newly painted walls with magic marker, count to ten and refrain from screaming. After all the reason they may be spreading pretty colors on the walls is because they just saw you doing it last week. You did not realize you were setting an example for your kids, did you? You cannot blame your kids for trying to be just like you. Sometimes it can take a while to make the connection that that is what your child is doing. When your child does something that makes you want to go nuts, calmly ask “why did you do that?”
Sometimes parents have difficulty being patient because they are overstressed and tired from other things in their lives. Maybe it is time for the parents to get to bed earlier themselves. Schedule tasks better so that more things are getting done in the same time with more help from everybody. Sometimes the parent that spends the most time with the children, usually the mother, needs a little break time away from the kids to rest and recharge. The other parent can be a big support by allowing her that time and making sure that the kids do not totally trash the house and go with their needs unmet while she is gone. One mother, after returning from a shopping trip two hours after her children’s lunch hour, was assailed at the door by crying, hungry children. She asked the father, “Why did you not feed them?” He said, “They never told me they were hungry.” She asked the children, “Why did you not tell daddy you were hungry?” They said, “We did not know daddy could fix lunch!”
Most of all patience is thinking before reacting. Taking the time to understand your children will help you to know them better and find reserves of parental patience. Patience will be good for both the parents and the children.
Author Bio: Gabriella Gometra has recently written shopping advice for kid’s learning toys and toddler learning toys. Reprint of this article is permitted as long as this author bio is kept intact with the preceding hyperlinks kept live.
Broward Sheriff’s Office Child Protective Investigations Section
Your Rights and Responsibilities
Florida Statute 39 requires that all reports of alleged child abuse, neglect and abandonment received over the Florida Abuse Hotline be investigated. The telephone number to the Florida Abuse Hotline is 1-800-96-ABUSE.
1. What is the Goal of Florida’s Child Protection System?
The goal of Florida’s child protection system is to ensure that children are living in homes that are safe from abuse or neglect.
2. What is a Child Protective Investigation?
The Florida Abuse Hotline has received a report that a child in your home may not be safe because of abuse or neglect. When such a report is perceived, State law requires the department to investigate the report. The purpose of the child protective investigation is to make sure that any child who is living in the home is not experiencing abuse or neglect.
When possible, the department will assist parents in overcoming problems that place children at risk of harm. You have the right to participate in the investigation and when it is determined that a problem exists, you may also participate in planning for services and assistance in your case.
3. How is Information Gathered?
The child protective investigator has been assigned to your case. You may call the investigator for information and assistance in your case.
The investigator will talk to you, family members and others who know your child and family. You can help the protective investigator by providing information that is necessary to determine whether a problem exists that affects the safety and well being of the child in your home.
You may video or audio tape your interview with the protective investigator using your own equipment. The information that you give to the protective investigator is very important and may be shared with the judge if your case goes to court.
You may hire an attorney to represent you at any time during the protective investigation. State law requires the protective investigator to complete the investigation promptly. If you choose to delay your interview with the investigator in order to be represented by an attorney, the protective investigator will continue to gather information from other persons.
4. What Happens if Someone Makes a False Report on Me?
Sometimes people will make child abuse reports fully knowing that the allegations are not true. If the department determines that someone made a false report, the department will refer the matter to law enforcement for investigation.
A person who is suspected of making a false report will be informed early in the investigation of potential consequences of making false reports. A person who is determined to have tied a false report of abuse, abandonment or neglect may be subject to civil or criminal proceedings.
If you believe you are a victim of a false report you have the right to file a complaint.
5. What are the Possible Results of the Investigation?
Some investigations will reveal that there is no indication of child abuse or neglect. In these cases, the department will close the investigation with no further action. Some situations require a safety plan that aims to change the circumstances that endanger the safety or well being of your child. Serious problems require the oversight of the dependency court.
How to find and employ a Nanny
Today employing a Nanny is becoming more and more popular, with the cost involved placing your child/ children into a nursery, employing a Nanny can be more cost effective. There are many benefits to hiring a Nanny, the major benefit is that your child can be left at home and feel safe in their natural and familiar surroundings. Although my children spent time at a private nursery, looking back my wife and I would have employed a Nanny. A qualified Nanny will not only look after your child they will also teach and develop your child’s learning.
Ways of finding a Nanny
With the Internet revolution, finding a Nanny on the web is fairly easy, using paper based advertising is no longer required. On the web there are many places to find a Nanny, I would always recommend using the experience and skills of a Nanny recruitment agency. Using a Nanny Agency will take away all the stress and make the whole process less time consuming. A Nanny agency has many sources to find your Nanny. Providing the agency does their job properly and understands your requirements, they will be able to supply you with a range of CVs that should match your Nanny specification. Additionally an agency will also check out qualifications and references of potential candidates. They also have knowledge in drawing up employment contracts and advise you on dealing with tax and national insurance payments. With the new regulations surrounding Criminal Record Bureau checks, all adults supervising children must have an enhanced CRB. An agency will ensure that any Nanny they supply will have an up-to-date CRB and ideally have a certificate in First Aid. Please note that enhanced CRB’s can take 12 weeks to complete.
What makes a excellent Nanny Agency
When you google for a Nanny agency, for example googling the term “nannies london” will return over 470,000 pages. So knowing which agency to choose then becomes difficult. All agencies typically charge more or less the same fee to recruit a Nanny, however please watch out for rebate periods. You need to know what happens should you or your Nanny terminate the contract of employment. Are you entitled to a replacement or partial refund? Rebate periods vary from agency to agency, some offer 4 weeks and the odd few offer 4-6 months. Any professional Nanny agency will be aware and observe with the a standard Nanny code of practice, a good source to find an agency would be from a list provided by the Good Nanny Agency Guide. The agencies listed will all observe with the code of practice. The code of practice can be downloaded in a pdf document. The code of practice will also assist you in interviewing your Nanny.
I have been involved in the childcare sector for a while now, I hope this article gives some tips and advice in your quest in sourcing the right childcare.
Having a depressed child is a major concern for parents but it’s confusing because it’s often seen as an adult’s disease. But the truth is ill-being and depression affect children and teenagers too. It’s important not to forget it or you’ll just ignore your child’s depression. First I’d like to make a list of the symptoms to look for in your child’s behavior in order to determine whether he’s a depressed child. You may already have done that but it’s never useless to repeat it:
- Irritability, anger, boredom
- Change in sleep, appetite, weight, concentration
- Not playful, isolated
- Behavior change in activities, relationships
- Outbursts, crying
- Low self-esteem, makes negative self comment
- Extreme fears, anxiety, paranoia
- Talks about death (”I wish I was dead/never born”)
If those symptoms last more than 2 weeks, it is very likely a depression. Of course, knowing the cause will give you clues to change things. I’m talking about family members’ conflicts that can make children feeling guilty and/or rejected. Do what you can to improve these situations if you feel it has something to do with this. The school and home environment of a depressed child have to be evaluated too. Some teachers, friends, can give an objective opinion on your child’s behavioral changes. But there are things you can do and it goes without saying that starting to act upon your child’s depression will make it shorter and prevent it to come back again. It has to be treated when the very first signs appear.
Here are the 5 steps to deal with a depressed child:
1. Reassure your child. He probably thinks he’s crazy, not normal. Tell him that it’s normal to fell deep sadness when we live difficult things but some of us have a disease that prevents them from recovering easily from that sadness. Give him the right to feel what he feels or he’ll just hide his ill-being from you.
2. Never minimize what your child is going through. Objectivity doesn’t matter, but only how he perceives things and feels about them. What seems small and unimportant to you can make a strong impression on your child and lead to depression.
3. Don’t try to protect your child by hiding things. Always tell him the truth, with chosen words of course. Children can face pain sometimes better than us. Anyway, they don’t like feeling betrayed or not trusted.
4. Talk about depression with him. Put words on it, explain how it works, what your child feels and why. It’s a deep discomfort for a depressed child not to know what is happening to him. Choose your words, depending on his age but talk about it. When he’ll know what he “has”, he’ll feel less guilty, less abnormal, on the path to healing.
5. Get professional help (counselor, therapist) or apply a parenting method/program.
Medications won’t help your depressed child. No good studies have been done on the subject and the FDA even state that antidepressant medications can increase the risk of suicidal behavior in children and teenagers.
About parenting methods or programs, I’d like to tell you that they can be an excellent alternative to counseling. Much cheaper too and as efficient if not more. There’s a resource I’d like to share with you that can help you with your depressed child by giving you the parenting help you need. It has been created by a group of parents who gathered their experiences and made a selection of the most efficient parenting programs they used with their children. The reviews they wrote are clear and help knowing how each program can help you. The website is friendly and very helpful. It did help me and their message of hope and the real solutions they talk about is probably just what you need. Good communications tools, easy-to-apply methods.
As they say: “You can hope again!”
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