Psychological Well Being of Single Parents In South Africa
Being a single parent in South Africa is already considered as a statistic. This is because of the high number of this rate versus combined parenthood. Ironically, the reason for single parenthood is very different from their Western counterparts.
In Western countries, typical reasons for single parenthood range from divorce, death of a spouse or a personal choice. In South Africa, the main reason of single parenthood is AIDS.
AIDS is rapidly killing people aged, 19-45 in South Africa. These ages are the potential parents of future generations.
According to Professor Clifford Odimgegwu, Professor of the University of Witwatersrand in Southern Africa, the grandparents are currently taking care of the orphans from parents who have died of this disease.
The AIDS epidemic has become alarming, and has already disrupted two layers of the population pyramid. This pyramid consists of those in the five-year old age bracket who will eventually be the adults in the future generations.
More than 10 million children in South Africa have been dying of AIDS. The other part of the pyramid is the 19-45 age bracket, who will comprise the senior citizens of the region. (http://www.voanews.com/english/archive/2006-03/2006-03-08-voa65.cfm).
Losing a partner is very stressful for the parent. The psychological well being of single parents in South Africa has been very poor primarily because of the reason on why the partner was lost. The reputation of AIDS in progressive countries have mellowed considerably.
In South Africa, however, it is still in the same ranks as the deadly illnesses of the olden times, as the Black Plague or the Bubonic Plague because of its sheer number.
The government has been very helpful in helping parents cope with the loss of a parent, whether through AIDS or through divorce. Divorce also ranks as a high factor in single parenthood. In South Africa, 50% of married couples end in divorce. These individuals become single parents. South African individuals have not developed coping skills on becoming a single parent.
They need assistance in coping with this event. The FAMSA is an organization in South Africa which helps out in counseling of individuals regardless of financial status. These organization is a beneficial tool of the South African government in managing the way of thinking of these individuals in coping with problems, particularly single parenthood.
Newly single parents develop feelings of sadness, abandonment, confusion, guilt, fear of being alone, and anxiety. The following tips have been recommended to be able to combat these feelings:
1) Forgive and forget – Letting go of unnecessary feelings can make one feel lighter, and happier. Holding on to anger is more stressful than letting it go. Forgetting will make it easier to move on to the next relationship, and maintaining the current relationship with your children.
2) Maintain network and relationships within the community – Having honorary aunts and uncles within the community fosters camaraderie between the child and the neighborhood, and the parent and the neighborhood as well. It also helps children understand that building relationships is an effective way to let go of the bad feelings that they felt during the separation of their parents.
3) Take responsibility – Before, the responsibility of caring for the family was shared between two individuals. Now, only one is responsible for the entire family. Taking responsibility empowers a single parent to be more careful in decision making and managing the household. In addition, the parent can ask help from the children on decision making such as what items to buy during grocery shopping.
4) Do not forget the old rituals that you used to do – Children need consistency in their lives after seeing their parents separate. Rituals as going out for dinner every Wednesday or the parent picking up the child from school every Friday should be maintained. In this way, the child feels that even if the parents are separated, the rituals are still there.
The psychological well being of single parents in South Africa are alarming, but slowly increasing towards the positive. The government, through FAMSA, has been a tremendous help in making sure that single parents are helped.
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Understanding the Psychological Well Being of Single Parents
Probably the hardest thing to face as a single parent is the intense emotion linked with being both a mother and a father to a child. This is further magnified when the other parent is absent or is deliberately not doing anything to fulfill his part in the caring for the children. More often than not, the single parent’s psychological well being bogs down.
Single parents might try to cope with this strain by either trying to compensate by adopting both mom and dad roles, or by scouring the social scene for a partner to help him or her in the rearing of the child. The pressure is definitely high.
However, if truth be told, none of the two methods will help. If anything, they might even cause you to become more psychologically stressed.
Majority of single parents feel guilty for the absence of the other parent, often blaming themselves for the loss. This is especially complicated if the custodial parent is male and he has a daughter or three daughters, making it difficult for him to portray motherly duties.
Chances are, he will go on wild hunting trip to look for somebody to fill the position, which, more often than not, particularly for those who go out to just look for a replacement parent, ends up in vain.
To cope with the other parent’s absence, you must first acknowledge and admit that nobody will ever replace your child’s mom or dad. Sure, somebody nice and appropriate could come along, but if you make this search your daily goal, then you might as well be driving you and children to loony house.
While finding someone to fill the spot addresses a big need, this should not be your sole purpose in life. Always remember that your children need YOU to care for them, and do not just see you as a nanny or private eye tasked to find them a good parent.
Instead, focus on what you can give your kids, even without a partner. Being a single parent is not a sin. Nor is it a reason for you to go on guilt trips every single day. You should even be proud that you have successfully reared your kid or kids on your own, and prouder that they have you. Whether or not you find a new spouse or partner, your children will still be happy to have you with them.
Always keep in mind that you are only human and cannot do everything at once. Not always being a hero to your kids does not make you less of a person. Remember, what does not kill you will only make you stronger.
Capitalize on the relationship you currently have with your kids and improve on that, instead of just dwelling on the fact that you’re alone and don’t have a partner.
Kids today are more resilient and understanding than we give them credit for, so never underestimate their power to understand your limitations. Be honest about your feelings and they will be honest with theirs, as well.
You could be pleasantly surprised with their responses.
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